Tuesday, January 22, 2008

confession booth

Im sitting in front of my first design 2 assignment. we're supposed to create a series of compositions that propose a design solution to three different "problems." and im drawing blanks, i dont know where to start. time is ticking away and i desperatley try to load my brain with images from all over the internet, loading it like a shot gun, hoping that once its packed some magical design bullet will shoot out with all it's air pressured force and explode onto my 9 compositions with perfect accuracy leaving behind glistening, masterfully rendered finished pieces. ive spent the last few waking hours scouring books and magazines, internet blogs and google image searches for inspiration. and i see myself scrounging for these things like a chipmunk harvesting food for the winter and its depressing. there are no golden acorns to be found. and its shaking my confidence. im begining to feel like i cant do this anymore. i always seem to be researching and looking for examples to be inspired by instead of just having the innate knowledge already pre loaded in my head. maybe im afraid to let go. there is a scary element to looking at a blank page. its so clear, so white so clean and simple and any mark you put on is spotlighted against it's background. it's eyes wincing at you as if it was saying "busted" i got caught you put an ugly mark on a pristine heavenly background you fool now everyone can see how uncreative you are. creativity. its very personal. i dont get why teachers say in crit dont take it personally. its is. its from you. i think its more personal than writing an academic essay or failing a math test. you can always default saying you never really understood the topic or prompt or subject matter but with art- how can you not understand yourself? maybe these are all lies. maybe im just ranting but the clock is ticking away and i still am stuck in step one. no innovation at all.......